Baby Update

Because I know you want to know :) .....

So, I think I last mentioned that I had an hcg injection a couple weeks ago. Well, to be honest (because if you read this blog, you know I'm pretty much an open book on this stuff), these last two weeks have really not been so great. I have off and on spent the last two weekends freaking out and crying about the stress of the last year and the worry and hope about this cycle working out and actually resulting in pregnancy. It's hard to describe the feeling of trying and trying to get pregnant and taking medicine and monitoring, and taking tests, and having ultrasounds, and having more blood tests, and having more complicated procedures and tests, and hearing one dr. say they don't know what else to do, and spending hundreds of dollars on medicine in a cycle and knowing that there's only a 15-18% chance of it actually working. It's frustrating, and it often comes with a sense of failure and loss and frustration that apparently my body can't figure out how to do something that so many others have no problem accomplishing.

And, when, people have the response of "Oh, it'll happen. Just don't think about it." I love that theory and hope to heaven it'll be what happens to me one day. But, right now, I have to track days, take meds, order shots in the mail, and remember appointments.

So, anyway. The last cycle with the letrazole, the ultrasounds, the thyroid medicine, and the hcg shot didn't work. So, I will now be repeating the process again this cycle, with a 15-18% chance of it working. My next consult is in September, and Sam and the dr. and I will decide if I'll do a third sequence of these meds or if I'll move on to the next step. Of course, the next step involves much more costly medicine and more ultrasounds. But, I suppose we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

And, I know that others have had to endure a lot more than I've had. And, I probably don't really have a right to complain. But, today's just one of those days. That's how it is, I guess.

It does make me feel better to vent and to let my frustration out on my blog. I'm sure some people wonder why I put so much personal info out there in the world. But, I feel like it's worth talking about because maybe someone else is about to go through something like this and maybe reading my blog somehow makes them feel less alone about it. And, it seems to be much more productive to put it out instead of keeping it in. I think that there'd be better understanding of people in the world and a lot more compassion if we were all a little more honest with what we're going through? What could it hurt, really?